Monday, April 9, 2012

five zero

I cannot believe I haven't blogged since February.  I have a million things in my head to write about.  I took a bit of time off out of necessity--I was working on a project that made it impossible for me to have the time to write.  After about six weeks, the project I was working on didn't develop in the way I had hoped, and it has been scrapped.  I learned a lot, about my capabilities and my shortcomings, about what it takes to work out of your house and run a family life--I have new respect for my working mother friends.  And I got reintroduced to my city, I walked the streets and discovered and rediscovered how great Seattle is. I also have a new appreciation for my daily life, I am a lucky girl.  And I missed writing a lot.
In the midst of this I celebrated a milestone birthday.  I remember my Mom telling me age was just a number, but this was kind of a scary one.  Like its an age someone else is, never me.  I have always hesitated to reveal my age on this blog, as if it would make my take on design and fashion less relevant, since I am probably considered by some to be well, old.  But in addition to working out regularly, eating healthy for the most part, as well as a zillion appointments to maintain things so to speak--I really do try.
On the inside, I feel the same as I always have, so catching a glimpse of myself in a photo or in the mirror sometimes can be an actual surprise.  As if, what the hell?  But I am not the same, I have stumbled over the years, made good & bad choices, lacked confidence, hesitated.
Now I know who I am, that gift you get when you live with yourself long enough to accept that the mistakes you have made give you a bit of a pantina that make you more beautiful.  Maybe being older means having more freedom to be yourself.  The way I see it, you can age any way you want to, its up to you to keep changing, growing, seeing things in a new way.
And so, I am now 50.  Sure, its a big deal to me.  And it really isn't.  I celebrated with friends, I drank champagne, I went to Paris.  But that's another blog.  Cheers.

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